Showing posts with label personal reflection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal reflection. Show all posts

May 31, 2011

Darling buds of May


There's this movie that I watched way way back then.
And the lines just make sense to me lately, for the past few months.

I don't remember how the exact script were.

But there's this girl asking her mother whether there were things in the past that the mother wish to change if given the chance?

And the mother replied that if given the chance, she would have lived life exactly the way she did so that she could end up the way she is.

My eyes were sort of rolling up when I heard that, you know, the kind of that Profesor Sentap-Hati-Mak-Nak always do. Minus the hands gesture of course, that would be too much.

I guess I was being human to have that kind of response for something that sounded so "only in movies thing".

But it's not.

I actually felt that lately. That aha moment.

Of course la if given the chance, I wouldn't exactly exactly lived life the way I used to. Adela tukar sikit-sikit, benda apa makan, pakai itsy bitsy things like that.

But there were really nothing big that I would change. Nothing that I would undo.

And I want everything before this take me up to this point in my life today. To this exact point that I'm currently breathing in.

Because I really really really like the way things are.

How many people could actually say that and really mean it, huh?

I just did.

May 6, 2010

Untuk terakhir kali

Dalam setiap peristiwa kita boleh memilih samada untuk menjadi mangsa ataupun menjadi dewasa.

Pengalaman tak mampu mematangkan andai kita tidak mengambil peluang untuk belajar daripadanya.

Pertemuan seringkali menghasilkan garis luka namun bersyukurlah atas perpisahan yang selalu mampu menyembuhkan.

Hidup banyak yang tak pasti.
Ada yang datang ada yang pergi.

Setiap takdir wajib diredhai.

Ukir senyum.
Buka mata, berani bermimpi.

Apr 10, 2010

Before tomorrow

Mom's here. Gone tomorrow.
Everything seems so bearable when she's around.

I honestly don't know what would be after this.
When she's gone.

اَللَّهُمَّ رَحْمَتَكَ أَرْجُو فَلاَ تَكِلْنِيْ إِلَى نَفْسِيْ طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ، وَأَصْلِحْ لِيْ شَأْنِيْ كُلَّهُ، لاَ إِلَـهَ إِلاَّ أَنْتَ.

“Ya Allah, RahmatMu aku harapkan, janganlah Engkau serahkan segala urusanku kepada diriku sendiri walau sekejap mata, perbaikilah segala urusanku, tiada ilah yang berhak disembah selain Engkau.”
(HR Abu Dawud)


Feb 14, 2010

The L day

I still remember today, last year.

An sms was sent to my phone from an unrecognised number.

هابي فالنتين داي

It took me a couple of days to figure out what it meant and a couple more to figure out who the sender was.

"Happy valentine day"

And it was sent from the sheikh I did the tasmi' with.

I couldn't help but to laugh then. I still smile while typing these words now.

He's now gone to Saudi Arabia working and was replaced by other sheikh. The one that I'm with now.

I didn't actually know what was his intention but I took it as a joke as how he often did.

I know today is not something to be celebrated but when this day come, for every year after this, I would never forget him and how he was able to make me smile.

I wonder if I am still in his remembrance.

I hope not. Huhu.

Jan 1, 2010

Sebiru hari ini


from Posterous

Tahun baru datang lagi. Seiring peralihan musim sejuk ke musim semi.

Ada putik yang mula menguak di sebalik kedinginan yang masih menebal. Tetap cuba wujud walau tanpa harum tanpa warna. Walau tak termaklum oleh lintasan mata. Ada pengajaran untuk jiwa agar tetap tumbuh walau hidup terasa jenuh.

Tahun baru satu stesen persinggahan. Buat merenung kembali peta perjalanan. Tentang jatuh bangun di jalan semalam dan pelan penerokaan hari esok. Tentang untung. Tentang rugi. Tentang bagaimana modal dikendali.

Setiap tahun ada kenangan dan peristiwa. Ada kemanisan yang mengukirkan senyum, ibarat keharuman bunga yang berkali-kali ingin dicium. Ada kepahitan yang terpaksa ditelan bersama cucur air mata yang tak mampu ditahan.

Insan itu sebagaimana tafsirnya, mudah sekali melupa. Biar bersama seribu pesan, tetap tak terlepas dari kesilapan. Namun kadang harga kesilapan itu terlalu mahal, bertahun-tahun masih tak terbayar. Terus dibawa nilai yang tertunggak, membuat dada selalu sesak. Ketenangan seolah menjadi seperti mimpi. Hilang dalam jaga. Tak dapat disentuh bukaan mata. Hanya doa jadi bekalan agar tak pernah putus harapan.

Mungkin jalan menuju Ilahi perlu selalu ada sesal dalam hati. Biar selamanya pun tidak meninggi diri.

Mungkin hari ini satu titik renungan. Satu titik yang terus bersambung dalam garis pemusahabahan yang panjang. Titik seterusnya mungkin pada lain hari. Mungkin bulan puasa, musim haji, hari raya ataupun hari jadi. Ini bukan tentang mencampur aduk budaya atau mengutama Masihi daripada Hijri tapi lebih kepada mengambil peluang yang terbuka selagi kesempatannya masih ada.

Kerana renungan terhadap diri perlu sentiasa dilazimkan. Supaya setiap ruang yang kosong segera dapat ditampung.

Tahun baru satu kesyukuran. Masih terasa bias kasih dari Tuhan. Biar mungkin selama ini kita berlari, berlari ke arah kita sendiri pun tak pasti. Namun Tuhan tetap sayang. Selalu sedia jalan pulang. Kalau tidak sudah merempat. Hilang nikmat dunia akhirat.

Pada penyeru kebaikan itu apatah lagi. Semakin lama berbudi harus semakin dekat bersama Yang Abadi. Tiada guna pentarbiyyahan andai makin jauh dari Tuhan. Jangan orang lain diberi saham ke syurga sedang diri kosong tiada harga. Tambahlah nilai nawafil dari apa yang difardhukan. Sahutlah seruan azan bukan menunggu iqamah dilaungkan. Semoga Dia akan tetap terus bersama dalam setiap gerak anggota.

Usah terlalu dikeluh tentang kekurangan dunia dan ketidakcapaian impian. Berusahalah untuk lebih berkorban. Harta, masa, jiwa dan perasaan. Nilai hidup lebih bererti pada sebanyak mana yang kita beri.

Tahun baru akan berlalu. Begitu jua kehidupan.

Lakarkan garis halus perhambaan bersama rona kekhusyukan. Jangan sekadar contengan kasar dari rutin ibadah yang terbiar. Biar akhir nafas nanti terlakar lukisan seni dalam mencari makna sujud yang hakiki.

Oct 27, 2009

The graduates



Graduation. Sweet. Remember this?

Oct 2, 2009

This time again


It’s October.

It’s the peak of the autumn. The January of the down under.

My favourite season. Used to be and still.

Because there are more to the autumn that I love than just the fallen leaves and subtle breeze. Not that they did not matter. They do but they’re just not the whole part of the reason.

Of why such love do I have for the season.

There are things only happen in autumn. There are feelings rejoiced and re-rejoiced for each time the season fall on us.

It’s the season of meeting. The time of greeting fresh new faces and reuniting with the fervently missed returners.

Warm smiles and starry eyes. High new hopes. Revitalizing faith.

It’s the opening of new chapters where memories and moments would soon be created. Stories would be written with new characters, twisting plots, treasured kindness and inevitable mistakes.

The old pages of the past are not gone but indeed cherished. The laugh of the preceded foolishness, the remorseful of misunderstandings, the forgiving of faults and the ever growing appreciation of long lasting relationships.

The road ahead is yet not known but what fun would it be if all the secrets were already poured out?

One step at a time people would say. Just don’t expect to pace at the same rhythm each and every way.

Go with the flow they might tell you again. They don’t always right and you got your own brain.

It’s just the beginning, take it slow. Because we still have a very long way to go.

This thoughts and feelings would soon be faded. But this time each year, we are reminded.

Bumi berputar, musim bertukar
Yang tinggal hanya kenangan
Yang berterusan hanya perubahan

Jun 2, 2008

Imperfectionist


In the midst of exams preparation. Just recalling the last Friday's sermon regarding doubtfulness.

One sentence out of his overall interesting sermon, really fascinates me:

"To know the limits and where your knowledge ends"

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

Accepting our own imperfection would make us move further while acknowledging other's would help to uphold the honour and respect that we have for them.

"Tentu saja sebagian orang mungkin berpendapat, ini suatu kekurangan. Ada nilai estetika atau dramatisasi yang tidak dapat tereksplorasi lebih dalam. Adegan bisa jadi hambar, tidak menyentuh karena tidak ada 'sentuhan' fisik. Tapi, saya dan teman-teman di MBR menganggap 'kekurangan' ini adalah suatu berkah. Allah berikan tantangan dan kesempatan pada kami untuk menciptakan suatu adegan yang menyentuh hati (jiwa), tanpa harus melanggar hal-hal yang syar'i. Bisakah??? Para penontonlah yang nanti akan menilai... "
Taken from here

Truly, kesempurnaan hanya milik Allah

Apr 9, 2008

The me that I am


"Andai cuma ada 1000 pejuang Islam aku adalah salah seorang daripadanya, andai ada 100 pejuang Islam aku adalah salah seorang daripadanya, andai cuma ada 10 orang pejuang aku juga adalah salah seorang daripadanya, andai ada cuma seorang pejuang Islam, pejuang itu adalah aku!"
taken here

Among my initial intentions for me to start blogging few years back was to have the priviledge to be able to read back the stuffs I wrote and how I wrote them, whether did I've grown from there.

I would smile then, thinking how I would crack myself up one day, observing how silly I'd sounded. It was today that I actually found time to trace back all the things I've been ranting since I was first introduced to this blogging world.

Much to my surprise, I didn't crack up as much as how I've expected. Perhaps, come to think of it, I hardly laugh at all. I was amused surely, but in totally different kind of atmosphere.

When I read back of what I wrote before, instead of feeling how silly I was, I was amazed of how innocent and pure I've sounded. Everything I wrote was so directive and full of motivation of trying to achieve more and more out of everything I do. Yes, I did sound silly in certain entries but it was all out of guilelessness. Every single sentence written was really what was meant.

And when I finally came to the above entry, I couldn't help but letting the feeling of embarrassment clothed all over me. I believe, the me that I was would have crack himself up seeing what he's grown into. Disappointment would be an understatement.

So I'm writing here to the me that I would be; hope that someday you'll be able to laugh at me, to actually show me how mature and wise you've become and at the same time succeed in maintaining the purity and innocence of the me that we were.

Until then, let's mend the heart. InsyaAllah

Mar 13, 2008

Quo vandis

I never realize of how much I dislike the idea of becoming an engineer and doing things I always try to run away from during my university years. That was until yesterday when I went to the career fair where while every other people were busy chasing companies to dig in depth of what could be their future of earning, I took my lazy walk past every booth without having the passion to enter and ask questions which I don't initially carved in my mind.

I looked around and see all the hypes and glories of what it is all about for becoming the man who made machines. Honestly, my dislikeness turn slowly into abomination as I began to imagine of how it would be like for me to drown myself into this stereotype kind of life. Deep down I wish I would never have to work in this field.

But as I still have another semester to go, I would just let myself being swept by the flow and drank all the salty ocean water until the day comes before I would swim back to the land and start walking my own way.

For now, I need a lifebuoy.